drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
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