Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Im just a social blackout drinker.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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