In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
