quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
