When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
