Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
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Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
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Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
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