Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
