That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I see more hoeing in ur future
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
