The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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