I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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