so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
