By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
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