so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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