He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Everclear isn't food dammit
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
