ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Randomize
