xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
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