I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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