Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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