I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
