How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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