I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
