so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
