apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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