The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Randomize
