What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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