i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
where are my pants?
in the oven.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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