i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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