He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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