I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
