don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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