my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
