wakey wakey hands off snakey
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
