I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I'm at about main and main street
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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