Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
