I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Enjoy the penises
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
