I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I FOUND THE LEGS
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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