Pregnant stripper...not hot.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
