You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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