So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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