good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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