Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
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