The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
