I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
