whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
