WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
