please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
