My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
