Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
