I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
