I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
