Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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