I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
worst night to have a conscience
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
