i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
