Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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