it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
