Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
