WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
