is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
