So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
