thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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