I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
