dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Randomize
