I seem to have left my pride at pride
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
What drink are we having for lunch?
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
