the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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