You're completely useless in the revolution.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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