With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
