can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
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Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
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I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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