great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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