I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
