he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
And then my night got REAL pukey
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
