the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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