I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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