She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
