Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
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