She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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