I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
