dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
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