Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
