Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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