he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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