i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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