At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize
