(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Be still, my beating vagina.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
