mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
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You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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