sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize