watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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